The concept of consent parenting has become increasingly popular in recent years.
The idea is not too complicated. From an early age, caregivers instill in children the value of having limits. Some think it’s excessive, even if many people applaud the concept.
A mother inquired whether her mother-in-law was being unreasonable in 2022 when she forbade her from changing her newborn’s diaper on the parenting forum Mumsnet.
Below are her justification and the reactions of the other parents!
The mother, who used the site handle Mum070322, asked other parents for support following an incident with her mother-in-law.
“I prefer that only my partner and I change [my son’s] diapers because I’m very particular about consent and protecting my baby’s privacy,” the woman stated.
She did, however, add that a caregiver or someone watching them is permitted to change their diaper.
Dad puts a diaper on the baby.
“A while ago my MIL was over and my baby started crying and rather than just give him back decided to take it upon herself to change him (I was standing right there) he continued crying throughout the change and she gave him back straight after but it annoyed me as it wasn’t her place to change him.”
At the time her child was 4 months old, and she was “trying to be nice and friendly” by not saying anything, but she wrote that recently her mother-in-law has been “more overbearing” and she wants to draw a line.
“Am I being unreasonable?”
Of the nearly 3,000 votes, 95% voted that yes she was being difficult.
And many of the comments weren’t on her side either.
“It’s good to be aware but you do sound paranoid. They are related and you were right there watching. Did something happen to you as a child? If so, maybe you need therapy to talk through things. Or maybe you could have said, it’s OK I can do that or something.”
“I really don’t understand why you feel the way you do. But it does seem like you have your own underlining problem. If you can’t trust immediate family to change a nappy then, well, your child is going to grow up with you literally obsessing over ‘privacy’ for them.”
“So nursery workers or babysitters can change your child but their grandparent can’t? I suspect this is more about your feelings towards your MIL than anything to do with privacy and consent (consent being a ridiculous concept for a small baby who has no capacity to give informed consent at that age).”
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There was at least one person who supported the concerned mother.
As you have said, this isn’t anything to do with you trusting her, it is your preference which you are completely entitled to. Some mums are more sensitive about these type of things than others and you know what, that is completely ok! You feel how you feel and you shouldn’t need the validation of others. The thing you should have done however was to step in and not let her do it. You could have politely said, ‘thank you, but I would prefer to change him’ and that should have been that.”
What do you think? Is she being unreasonable? Let us know your thoughts and share them with us on Facebook.
